The Woman Who Tried to Be Normal Read online

After she carefully patted them dry on one of the finest washcloths in the Kingdom, Katherine went to her adjacent sitting chamber and poured wine into her golden chalice.

  The red liquid went down her throat again and again until the ruby-encrusted gold jug that held it became empty and her fears no longer dominated her thoughts.

  On her bare feet, covered in nothing but an expensive silk robe, Katherine walked out of her private quarters, determined never to return again.

  *****

  The hour and minute hands of the clock made of gold had just met at the number 12 when Eirwen entered the cabinet in which it stood. She wore only her sleeping gown and had her long black hair loose down her shoulders. Certainly not the way she had been taught to dress outside the bed chamber, yet the young woman went about it without shame.

  She yawned without covering her mouth, dragged her shoeless feet and even dug gunk out of her eyes as she headed to the gold-lined dining table on which a feast of supper had been laid out.

  “Ugh, peacock,” she said when she saw what lay under the gold cover of the largest plate. The roasted chunk of poultry had already gone cold but was still faintly pungent. “I hate peacock.” Nobody challenged that opinion for there was no one else in the chamber with her.

  Instead of sitting at the table as people of certain status would, Eirwen jumped onto it. With her bare hands, she picked fruit, tarts and fritters from the various platters and threw them into her mouth so carelessly that crumbs and sticky juices landed everywhere.

  Then the young woman jumped off, grabbed a diamond-studded golden jug and drank from it. Milk, although only lukewarm by this hour, was still her favourite breakfast drink.

  “What should I do today?” she asked as she went to the window. It was a beautiful autumn night outside. The moon was full and large and it lit up the castle grounds with its glow. “Read? Paint? Hunt?”

  Only silence replied.

  Her eyes fell upon the orchard some distance away, on the faint red specks that peeked out from amongst the grey leaves of the sturdy trees.

  “A fresh apple, then a hunt. Exciting enough for you, Eirwen?”

  The wind outside howled.

  “I certainly hope so,” those same red lips replied, right before they met the golden jug again and took in more of that delicious white milk.

  *****

  It had been almost two decades since Katherine last climbed a tree but it turned out to be a skill she never forgot. Not even with her mind swirling and foggy from too much drink, not even with the twine of thick vine she had ripped off from the outer walls of the castle in her hands.

  If only childbearing were a challenge she could overcome this easily, she thought as she pushed herself up onto the highest branch. She straddled it unsteadily. Blood oozed out from her privates again, this time dampening the robe underneath her. It made her laugh and shake her head.

  So the robe would be stained now too. Another piece of evidence to point to her failure as a wife. But this barren Queen no longer cared. Instead, she got to work tying one end of the vine into a noose and the other end around the tree branch. Many years ago, a courtier she had banished for an infarction she could not remember had used this very technique in this very orchard to escape his punishment. On this night, all she could think of was how brilliant he must have been to think of such a thing.

  When the late courtier’s invention was complete, Katherine put the noose end of the vine around her neck, closed her eyes as tightly as she could and flung herself off the branch.

  In the seconds that ensued, the barren Queen suffered more violently than she had ever done in her entire life. The clutches of the noose prevented her from breathing and made her legs flail in ways they had never flailed before. The torture was much worse than her drunken mind had imagined it might be. Make it stop! Make it stop!! Those were her last pleas, right before the lack of air got to her head and she, at last, passed out.

  *****

  “Hey!” Eirwen, now properly dressed in hunting attire, dropped the half-eaten apple in her hand and raced towards the woman dangling from a tree some distance away.

  She clambered up the highest branch of that tree and swung herself upside down. In one fell swoop, she pulled out a dagger from her boot and swung it against the thick vine with all her might.

  The woman crashed to the ground with the trail of vine around her neck but her eyes never opened and her body remained still. Eirwen jumped down and shook her violently.

  “Wake up!” she shouted and wondered if this were a servant who had been driven to desperation.

  It was then she noticed the robe made of the Kingdom’s most expensive silk and the ruby ring on the woman’s fourth finger.

  “The Queen?” Her eyes grew wide.

  Under the moonlight, against the green of grass, the Queen looked extremely pale with a tinge of purple. Her barely-covered chest did not rise and fall like a live person’s did. It seemed she was already dead or right at death’s door.

  Eirwen had an awful thought. It might actually be better for some people if this dreadful, detestable woman really did die. But could she sit back and watch it happen?

  The motionless Queen gave no suggestion.

  It would take an hour to travel to the Royal Physician’s quarters, wake them and bring them back here, during which time, the Queen would most probably already be dead. Dead like the Queen before her and the other Queen before that.

  No, Eirwen decided. No more dead Queens. Not if she could help it.

  The motionless Queen needed air. Her Governesses had taught her so. People pass out without air and then they die.

  Eirwen took a deep breath, put her lips on the Queen’s and gave her some of her own.

  Then she did it again and again and again in hope it might save the Queen from a horrible end.

  *****

  When Katherine opened her eyes, she saw the most beautiful woman she had ever seen, with cascading black locks, leaning in towards her for a kiss.

  The next thing she knew was the sensation of little pillows on her lips and the taste of apple running through her senses.

  And then all of a sudden, she was choking and desperately fighting to breathe.

  “It’s okay, you’re okay. You’re okay,” she thought she saw the beautiful woman say. Her head was spinning and her vision changed from sharp to blurry one minute to the next. Was this a dream? Or the afterlife?

  “Breathe, just breathe, keep breathing...”

  The voice soothed her. Katherine closed her eyes and took many deep, difficult breaths. Her body resisted then struggled and coughed until it eventually figured out how to work again and breathing became no longer difficult.

  It was then she noticed the beautiful woman’s arms around her, holding her up from the ground. She could feel the rhythmic rise and fall of the woman’s chest under her and the warmth from her embrace.

  “You’ll catch your death of cold,” it sounded like the woman was saying. “Let’s go back inside.”

  All Katherine’s spinning mind could think of was to make sure she remained within the beautiful woman’s arms. After all, that was the only place she had right now that felt truly safe.

  *****

  It was not clear how but the beautiful woman managed to bring her back into the castle, through the meandering hallways, into the safe familiarity of her private quarters. Everything was floaty, surreal and even fun until the ghastly red stain on her bed came into view.

  The beautiful woman threw her hand over her mouth at the sight and that made Katherine burst into tears.

  “The King does not deserve a barren wife,” she heard herself sob. “I’m not worthy of him!” She remembered now her promise never to return to her chambers and was distraught to realise she had failed at that as well. She made a run for the door.

  To her surprise, the beautiful woman grabbed her, brought her close and shushed her.

  It felt oddl
y comforting. When had she last been this close to another person? Katherine could not remember.

  “The King doesn’t have to know,” the beautiful woman said. “I’ll fix it. Everything will be fine, you hear? There’s no need to die.”

  And she did exactly as she promised. Found a way to change the sheets, swept up the broken vase, got rid of the stained robe and brought in some menstruation cloths while Katherine simply watched in a drunken haze.

  By the time the beautiful woman dressed her and tucked her into a bed of fresh silken sheets, Katherine was certain the woman had the kindest blue eyes in the whole Kingdom.

  When the beautiful woman fed her cold milk from a golden chalice studded with diamonds, Katherine came to believe that the woman was an angel from the clouds, sent to make her feel better.

  Which was why she later regretted not finding the words to ask for a name before the beautiful woman bid her goodbye and walked out of her chamber, taking those warm arms with her.

  Chapter 2

  The five maids-in-waiting who dressed the Queen in her fine boudoir the next morning found nothing out of the ordinary about her behaviour at first.

  She stood as she always did, proud and silent, and raised her arms at all the right moments for them to tighten her gown and sleeves.

  But then all of a sudden, as they were hard at work, pulling and adjusting the numerous clothing items, the Queen startled them by speaking.

  “Does the King have many huntswomen?”

  The maids immediately stopped their activity and glanced at each other. The Queen only ever spoke when she was displeased with something so none of them dared to reply. All of them immediately reflected upon their recent behaviour, searching for something they might have unwittingly done, in hope that a quick apology would salvage the situation.

  “Well? Do you not have tongues?”

  They did not for none of them could think of any mistake they might have made. But the oldest of the five, a woman of forty, decided to speak for the lack of reply might get them banished all the same.

  “He has none, your highness.” She said this as politely as she could.

  “Are you sure?”

  The maids’ bloods grew cold and they all wondered if that was a trick question. Perhaps the Queen fancied a change of dressing women today and was amusing herself before sending the final blow? In any case, it was not at all within their control. The oldest and bravest servant had no choice but to answer.

  “Yes, your highness. There are only men in the King’s Hunt. And in the stables.” Her voice quivered a little.

  “Why not women?”

  The brave servant swallowed the thick lump that had appeared in her throat. “Because the King does not believe women can hunt effectively, your highness.”

  A dreadful silence fell upon the boudoir.

  The five maids glanced at each other with worry in their eyes. None dared to move. When the Queen opened her mouth again, fear was at the forefront of their minds.

  “How can that be when I saw, with my own eyes, a huntswoman in the orchard?”

  All of them panicked. There was no polite answer to that question and it sounded like a trap.

  “When was this, your highness?” the bravest servant asked. Her voice shook.

  “Last night. She had black hair, undone, very pale skin, and blue eyes. Somewhat... pretty.” There was no expression on the Queen’s face whatsoever. “Who was that?”

  The servants found their breaths again and gave each other knowing smiles.

  “You must have seen the Princess, your highness,” the bravest servant replied. “She awakes only after midnight, always wears her hair down and she hunts. Often. And yes, she is very pretty. One of the prettiest women in the Kingdom, certainly.”

  The servant regretted her choice of the last few words for as soon as they came out of her mouth, the Queen’s face turned ashen and the look of horror on it was unmistakable.

  Dread dashed back into the hearts of the five around her. None of them dared to twitch or make a sound. Not when the Queen had that face.

  It made them all the more uneasy when she took a deep breath and very abruptly regained her regular expression of placid disinterest a mere moment later.

  She saw them staring. “What? Do we pay you to stand around like donkeys? Get on with it!”

  All five immediately resumed their tasks the way they had been taught to—with their heads bowed, eyes averted and mouths closed. That was the only way the Queen would never know that in that very moment, each and every one of them wished they had been chosen to wait on the Princess instead.

  *****

  After she had been dressed, Katherine sent all of her maids to town to get a new vase for her bed chamber. When alone, she climbed the grand staircase next to her private quarters all the way up to the very top of the West Tower.

  In the chamber at the top, a lone Royal Pianist sat with his grand piano in the middle of floor-to-ceiling windows that cast sunlight and a beautiful pattern of shadows at his feet. He immediately stood up and bowed to her. “Good morning, your highness. What would you like to listen to today?”

  “Something happy,” she said without looking at him and marched up to the windows with her arms folded.

  “Certainly, your highness.” The pianist began to play the happiest melody he had ever learned. His high-pitched staccato tones bounced off the windows and surrounded them both with a mood so pleasant, it felt like spring had arrived.

  Katherine kept her back to the pianist, her eyes on the outside. Her fingers crept up to her ruby necklace and fiddled with it.

  From where she stood, she could see the other end of the castle in the distance. The East Tower, with the Kingdom’s flag atop it, was grand and charming. There were windows on it that looked just like the ones she looked out of, only they were too far away to see into. But she knew who lived in there of course. She had always known, only she never bothered to visit.

  “Does Princess Eirwen ever come in here?” she asked over the delightful tune.

  “She does not, your highness.” His fingers kept going without missing a beat.

  “Why is that?”

  A note was misplayed and the misfitted sound stuck out like a sore thumb.

  Katherine swivelled round, her face in a frown. She had never heard a Royal Pianist play the wrong note before. They were not supposed to. Ever.

  “I apologise very sincerely, your highness.” The pianist’s face was completely red and his eyes were fixed on the black and white keys in front of him. He found the right chord quickly and started to play again, this time with way more gusto.

  She decided to let it go since it was the first time she ever talked to a Royal Pianist while he was playing and she was not sure if the no-mistakes rule applied when you were the one distracting them. “You were saying?”

  “Yes. The Princess does not enter the West of the castle because it’s what you ordered, your highness.”

  Katherine spun around again. “What?”

  “You said the Princess is not to go near you or the King, your highness.”

  When did she say that? “For the wedding? 17 years ago? You mean it’s been enforced all this time?”

  “Yes, your highness. The guards make sure of that.”

  The melody ended and the pianist started up another happy tune.

  Katherine turned back to the window in a frown and fiddled with her necklace again. Now she understood why she had not seen that child since the day before the wedding. She always thought it was the little brat’s own impudence that kept her away from meals and court occasions. Not that she minded before, but after last night…

  “What does the Princess get up to then? How is she not married yet?”

  “I wouldn’t know, your highness. I’ve never seen the Princess myself. I’ve only been here ten years.”

  Ten years? Katherine stared at the tiny windows ahead of her and wond
ered if the person living behind them might be angry about having been blocked from an entire wing of the castle for more than ten years. Katherine knew she would be, if she were in her shoes. Then why on earth would a person in that position be so kind to the person who put her there?

  The answer hit her like a slap in the face. Katherine froze. She crossed her arms.

  Of course. It was the oldest trick in the book. The best way to exact the sweetest sort of revenge. And she had been careless enough to fall for it hook, line and sinker.

  The happy tune in the air now irritated her. She marched out of the tower without bothering to tell the pianist to stop. She went back to her private quarters and prayed she would never have to see the Princess again.

  Ever.

  *****

  The moon was above the castle once again when Eirwen picked an apple and climbed onto the very same high branch she swung from just the night before.

  From her vantage point she scoured the vast fruit garden, looking for movement or shadow of any kind that might indicate the presence of another human being. But there was none. The orchard remained still and empty like it usually was this late into the night. A good sign.

  Eirwen let herself relax and leaned against the trunk to savour her apple. It was sweet, juicy and crunchy. Simply fabulous. More so with the cool wind deliciously blowing her long hair away from her face.

  “So you prefer the night, I hear?” a deep voice behind her said. It startled her and made her drop her apple way down below.

  Eirwen turned and saw a woman in a black velvet cloak looking up at her from the bottom of the tree. The Queen, but beautifully made up this time and not in the least drunk or sad.

  She wondered if that was cause for worry. “I do,” she said anyway. “The silence is very good for contemplation.”

  “What do you contemplate?” The Queen’s voice was cold and calm and her piercing green eyes never once flinched from Eirwen’s.